so i have theories about this whole “bridezilla” thing (or as some suggest, acquired situational narcissism, which i kind of like better).
my basic theory is that there are a lot of expectations that come with a wedding and an immense amount of pressure, so sometimes some women go crazy and become bridezillas. let me break it down from my perspective.
weddings are a big deal
obviously, sane people can manage the stress of planning a wedding and not kill all who lay in their path to the altar, but take a step back and think about it. say the word wedding and folks go apeshit - it’s kind of a big deal. people start asking you about it the second you’re engaged. seriously. the conversation goes like this:
me: i got engaged
you: cool! how’d he ask you
me: blah blah blah
you: cool! have you set a date? did you pick out colors/a theme? you should have lots of flowers. can i come? is it going to be a dressy event? etc. etc. etc.
parents start throwing out names of relatives you’ve never met but who MUST be invited. people suggest florists, their photographer friends, who you should talk to about caterers. people you usually have little contact with all of a sudden become experts on weddings and give unsolicited advice on a regular basis. it’s nuts from the get-go.
this is not to say people shouldn’t be excited or that i don’t appreciate all of the help, because people should be excited and i do need the help. i’m just saying, a wedding is on it’s own level and everyone acts a little more insane because of it. if everyone around you is going crazy, how do you stay not crazy? plus it becomes this constant thing that always comes up in conversation. instead of “how ‘bout those giants” or “what did you do this weekend?”, the question of “how’s the wedding planning going?” becomes a strong member of the casual conversation rotation with everyone you know. like applying to college and waiting to hear back, it’s a nerve-wracking thing all by itself and then people ask you about it all the time, which makes it more nerve-wracking. it’s a cycle.
the stress!
everyone knows and says that planning a wedding is a stress-filled process. let’s look at why.
- it’s a celebration that incorporates a unique blend of people - family, extended family, family friends, friends, and possibly co-workers. everyone has to have fun and be happy, which is a lot to ensure happens. when is there another time all these people come together for you? (answer: your funeral. and you’re not expected to plan that one.)
- it’s a significant life event. you’re leaving your family and starting your own. congrats, you’re an adult. everyone’s going to remember this for the rest of their lives, so it had better be good.
- the money! while trying to keep costs low, we’re discovering that even a cheap wedding is an expensive wedding. fighting that is tough.
- aim for perfection. it’s one of the biggest days of your life and as such, everything should be perfect. do you know how difficult it is to achieve perfection? like, really difficult. and if one thing isn’t perfect, then obviously everything is ruined. forget that you married the man you love, your caterer didn’t bring out the salad at the right time! the whole event is tainted for life!!
you’re a princess!
my biggest beef with this bridezilla thing is that more often than not, brides get to make all the decisions and specifically told to do what they want - all. the. time. it’s your special day, you choose. no, really. blue or red, white linens or colored, roses or daisies, chicken or beef, hair up or down… the decisions go on and on and on and range from big things to the tiniest of details one normally wouldnt care about. my theory is that if you’re constantly told, nay, encouraged!, to do it your way, all day, every day, obviously you’re gonna start getting all princess-y. this is to say, you start to feel ok with making outrageous demands and getting in people’s faces about it if they’re the least bit resistant. and tell me any other time when you’re allowed to make crazy demands of people and these folks are absolutely willing to do anything for you? never, that’s when. can you blame someone for taking advantage? who doesn’t want anything they want at the time they want it?
the bridezilla in a woman, i believe, comes out after you’ve become accustomed to getting your way and then people start telling you no or criticizing your choices. i’ve watched enough episodes of bridezillas (way before i was engaged, mind you, because it’s funny) to see this pattern. everyone’s on board with the ugly yellow dresses, and then one person makes a snide comment and the bride loses it. couple the stress of putting on a wedding with the idea that you deserve to get everything and everyone is happy to give it to you - yeah.
you’re prepared from birth
it usually starts off innocently enough, but can soon snowball in to something crazy. and though some brides start the wedding planning as crazy bitches without any of the aforementioned encouragement, i still think a lot of bridezillas are programmed from birth to believe they are in fact entitled to this amazingly perfect day. little girls begin planning their dream weddings at a very young age, the whole thing is glorified for girls, it’s crazy. compare brian to me during the early stages of planning. he had huge gaps of knowledge about what goes in to a wedding and i, almost inherently, knew the basics. come on, that doesnt just happen.
personal responsibility out the window?
the answer is no. i’m not defending bridezillas or my future crazy actions. there’s no excuse for unnecessarily chewing someone out or throwing or hitting, kicking, biting, etc. BUT, i am beginning to see how i might be pushed in one direction (the crazy direction) in moments of weakness. it is up to the individual to take all this in stride and be lovely, as expected, and everyone is capable of that. this is, however, fair warning for a future, bitchy leslie.
